Coming of Age

You have grown
Im sure you have
A woman by most standards
I number not among those
You have grown
Whether love or hate
I do not know
With which you remember me
You have grown
You have pieced your life back together
Or kept it in hopeless shards
I only wish I knew
You have grown
I think of you
Every now and then
With guilt and wonder and love but
You have grown
and I will do you the kindness
of not opening old wounds
because you will always be that girl I knew
You have grown

Exile's Lament

Beneath the golden balm
Settling on the trees
Evening steals in calm
And farmers count their yields
The bee is in the lavender
The honey fills the comb
But here the rain falls never-ending
And I am far from home
                       --Jacqueline Carey

Nine hours, instant communication
The expectations grow heavy on my shoulders
Grip the rake, keep moving
Don't let them suspect you grow colder
Ideas, flying and passing
An endless river of thought
The eddies that hold the flotsam in place
Get stepped on with boots I bought
Why am I the one destined for greatness?
Why am I the one that will redeem her choice?
Can I not have a simple life of quiet joy?
And how, in all of this can I refuse her?
She gave everything for us
Her meals, her roof, her love
She gave her happiness
And shes giving her life.
I don't want it, I said, and ran.
And still she gives, half a world away.
I don't want it, I just don't want to owe it to you!
Escape isn't in continents. It is in the heart,
And mine is weighed down by duty.

The bee is in the lavender
The honey fills the comb
But here the rain falls never-ending
And I am far from home.

Terre D'Ange

Alone, a stranger in a strange land
My companion, my one connection to my past
does but follow
It is up to me
I haggle, I ask, I survive
The ever following rain at my back
The glances of the locals at my pack
Loathing, Curiosity and a hint of "he dares?!"
Yes I dare, yes I am here
I do not speak your language,
I do not wear your fashion
I do not think like you
The haughty arrogance of these people
It fein matches my own
I wanted Terre D'Ange
I got street urchins and tourist traps
Impatient words and mumbled curses
Yeah, I saw your city in a day
Snapped a picture everywhere I was expected to
Walked from monument to meaningless monument
Now I want to leave
Warmer hearts await me, I hope
Kinder smiles and the promise of a life
Not even the women are worth staying here
The ones in Portland a carbon copy
Hipsters...they are everywhere
I wanted Terre D'Ange
But I got Paris, and Paris?
Man, Fuck Paris.

Oral Poi

Words spoken from a pedestal
Bearing long chains attached to my wrists
Mental fire toys that i spin carelessly
Its just a game, until they strike
My back engulfed.
The fuel i fed them now betrays me
For, the more fuel, the better the show;
The more heart, the better the words.

ROMPE LIMITES
DESTRUYE EL MIEDO
SIGUE TU CORAZON

The singeing hypocrisy spreads to my limbs
The sparks of cowardice fill my vision
The little canary's warning looms in my mind
Watch your words. Fucking hindsight.
Now deformed in her eyes I must choose.
Do I become beautiful again?
Do I strip off melted flesh and
once more become her champion?
Or do I hobble away, taking my shame with me?
The ink says "Love as thou wilt."
But if I stay, her heart, not mine
will dictate the terms.
"I will return as a man," I told her,
"A man wouldn't take the risk."
We will see.
I may be a boy forever
I may become another sheep
Or I can grow into the man I want to be.
First order of business:
Stop lying just to see them smile.